you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
