Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
