I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
