3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
