Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
