I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
