I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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