So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
