Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
