you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
sarcasm needs its own font
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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