Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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