While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need to calm my uterus...
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