Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
