I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
