Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
