my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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