never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He better not be in your backpack
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
