I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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