life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
