someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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