I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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