I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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