Just mADE A PArabola og urine
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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