It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
