goodnight i made you a song goodbye
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
