I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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