btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
