I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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