so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
