your parents love me but you hate me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
