i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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