So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
