sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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