Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
