literally had 100 drinks last night.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
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every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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