Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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