its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
