you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
