I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
