he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
