Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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