just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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