Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
should my penis look like a turkey
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
