How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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