He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
