i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
