So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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