you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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