well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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