zippers are such a cool invention
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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