i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
