apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I smell stomach acid.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
