I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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