Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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