Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.