My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.