in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.