yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.