yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!