Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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