he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
