She's JV to your varsity
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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