I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
