I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
