You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
