winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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