$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
