you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
