wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
